My happens might be shown on the outside.But on the inside I am so cold and empty from all this heart ace I've been through and all the shit I've had to put up with and went through with peoples parents or friends who I loved and cared about and look were it got me now all a lone and cold and empty.I know I am still young and all this. But I want to be happy with someone just once in my life so i know how it feels to be loved back form someone and not used like I have been in the past from my ex's .I am not try to make any one fell sorry for me in this blog.But I can only take all this coldness and Empties for so long.And it hurts not finding that someone .I mean I am a nice and caring guy for the most point I mean I can be a Dick and an asshole sometimes .But it seems like thats not good enough for some girls .I just do not understand how they do not want a nice guy that they just want an asshole who will treat them like shit and leave them for someone more cute then them at the drop of a hat. I just do not understand how much more i can do about this besides do what I have been doing is putting on a fake smile and go and hang out with my friends and try to have a good time. Then I come home to a empty bed and that cold and empties feeling comes back harder then be for . Then I get up and go about my day putting on that fake smile and hiding the cold and empties Till I come home and sleep in my empty bed with know one to hold or kiss be for I go to bed and when I wake up in the morning .But o well I will make it by like I have been doing for this long .

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this is my dream girl right here

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Its funny how when u help other people out and then in some cases after u help them out in what ever problem they have they drop off the face of the earth till they need u for ether some one to cry to or let off some steam or for advice or to flip out over what the person there dating or over what there ex did to them. or when they ask u about what they should do about the person there dating cause ether there being up there ass a lot or there asking u about who u are u talking to or there yelling at u for something u did not do or there treating u like shit or like there slave and u give these people your advice and they are saying ya i know i should do that but then they call u and say everything is good now then 2 days go by then there calling u up for the same damn thing .when you cant even help your self out on you own problems . thats why I am only going to help out and give my advice out to people who are going to take it and who really wants help with ether there Relationship or there problem there haven with someone or they just need someone to cry to and the people I am talking about know who they are .

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I hate how people are still acting like there In High School picking who they hang out with or talk to or say hi to .And how people still talk shit behind other peoples back and when u ask them what they said they give u some bullshit lie saying they did not say anything about that person. And the people who were known as the class clowns in high school still has not
grown up fully yet or they still do it to be the weird one out in the group they do it to try to fit in and get friends because they really do not have the skills besides to be the clown to make friends And how people can still be ass kissers like they were in high school still doing it today thats not how to be in life by doing that .that just makes people look down on you Because your trying to hard to fit in witch Takes me back to an old saying I was told .Do not try to be different to fit in just be yourslef and if they dont like you being yourslef then there really not worth trying to impress or to be friends with .because u dont have to impress any one but youslef .

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I Have been thinking about the way I was about things .How if someone would talk shit on me or say shit behind my back how I would flay off the wall and call them up and fucking say u got shit to say about me then lets go and fight it out .Now I just blow it off and let the little shit not bring me down. How I would worry about if people are talking about me and if i heard they would I would flip out cause they did not tell me what they said but now I just let it go and how if anyone would yell at me i would yell back at them and loss my cool then I started to think be for I would yell back at them .And how i would treat my girlfriends and tell them that they were not allowed to talk to any guys or go any were with out me .Now if I start dateing anyone I will let them talk to who ever they want to and hang out with who they want to cause I've Figured out thats not how to treat the person I care about and thats how u loss them .And I Hated people be for I got to know them now I will get to know someone be for I judge them .So what I am trying to say in this blog is I am still going to be the old Jake but I have controlled all the hate and me treating my girlfriends they way I do .And I am Still going to tell u how I feel about u and its going to be at the right time and the right place .

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I do not know how I can have feelings for some one that i still cared about as a friend . she all ready found someone that makes her happy and I am happy for her so thats why I am SO broken and and confused bout the feelings I am Having for her and I know this person is going to read this blog at some point and time and shes going to be like wow but I am not trying to break anything up between her and her new man Its just that I cant lie about my Feelings I still have for her so if this person gets weird out about this blog then I understand and If she dose not want to talk to me for a Few days i understand .

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I hate how there is so many Fake ass people in this world or people who say that they are there for u when u know there really not . I mean I am there for all good buddies when they need me and they know who they are . and I have some buddies that I am not that cool with but I am welling to help them out and then they do not take what I tell them So I say fuck off and I am done trying to help u .

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